March 5, 2011
So half the days my hairs a mess and Azariah is leaving a trail of mess behind her. There's phone calls to make and bills to pay (with no money to pay them) and people to visit and chores and well if your a mom you understand.
How do i find time for me? Im a gogogo person who doesn't relax even in my own space and im also lazy so i think i need to clean all the time but more than half the time the cleaning doesn't get done. Is that a run on sentance? Its ok ill have Yo edit cause my thoughts are coming too fast to slow down! :)
I had my baby boy and two months later im well rested and ready to jump into scrapbooking and bible study and taking walks. Going to school maybe and looking for work! But like i said, how do i find time? I need to, "be still." If i don't start a routine for myself im gunna go nuts. As much as my kids thrive on their routines im seeing that it would be amazing for me as well.
Seems there's so much i want to do that i get overwhelmed and never finish anything. I never finish cleaning. I do a good job in each room but then never move to the next room and then the one i cleaned is a mess again... Im overwhelmed with photography and getting photos organized. Plus i need to take a class so effing bad. F stands for fantastic ;) ... My daughter distracts me. She's not a handful... she's so dang cute i stop what im doing every 5 seconds to play with her... My financial corner needs help. I need a desk that isn't my kitchen table. I need to learn to be wise with the little we have and be glad we have it.
Seems like im always wanting more or im constantly waiting for something. Waiting for work. Waiting for bills to be magically paid. Waiting for the house i want. Waiting to be closer to God. Why can't i relax and work on right now? Right now if i can relax then i can work on my hobbies and worship the Lord at the same time. He created my creativeness and i would like to honor Him more... instead of doing it for me and all the while wishing i was better at it. Im already good! Right now if I learn to be still then i wont be so stressed trying to make my house perfect. Right now... not later... i need my routine. A much better routine that I've unintentionally created. A less lazy way of things.
I want to wake up with, "thanks be to God," on my heart, in my mind, on my lips. Take all thoughts captive. And be still! Id like to stop wanting more in my life and be more content. If i would use the resourses around me and just be who i was created to be then i have all i already need. I wont need more. My more is waiting with the Lord in heaven. Right here and now... im perfectly blessed. That's enough for me :)