Feeling

I feel like I’m hiding. I could be working my butt of starting a job with CM and I’m scared to try harder to get it done. 
I feel like I’ll never reach the point of no more debt. Not just that but actually paying all the bills in a month without a phone getting shut off or asking my sweet Momma for money. (Thank you Mom).
I feel like the “perfect” job, or rather “perfect wage,” for Mondo is never going to be found. I don’t know what to do about that. What happens when unemployment runs out? What happens when he finds a job and gets paid less than we’re getting now? 
I feel like I worry too much about cleaning and then I’m too lazy to get it done. So then what am I doing? Nothing. 
I feel like when I go to church I don’t go for God or me. It just feels like the thing to do. That I’ve always done weekly for 7 years. I was once so close personally to my Savior, my King, my Friend. But it’s like I forgot his phone number so we barely talk. He showed me the right kind of life to live. A happy full life. But the happiness isn’t quite the Joy He wants for me. This isn’t fullness that I’m living.
I feel like I need more. 
I feel like I need less.
I want this.
I need that.
It’s midnight I’m out of formula.
I can’t reach where I want to be.
Have I been walking downhill for over a year?
Why isn’t my cup overflowing?
I feel like I have too many bad habits. 
Too unmotivated.
Too much stress.
I feel like I shouldn’t post this for the world to see.
But I also feel like pushing send. It’s purple and written in Candy Buzz font, of course it needs to go somewhere! Although the blogger wont know this font…           
Whatever.


Praying I FEEL better. Tomorrow and everyday after.
Hoping. Wishing. Thinking. Blinking….  2:30am. Goodnight thoughts, sweet dreams!


<3 my Jesus. 

"So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf 
You have been King of my glory 
Won't You be my Prince of Peace"

Rich Mullins