Yesterday

Yesterday I knew who you were. I lived and breathed and loved everything about you. I could focus. Talk with you, walk with you, give you the last second of my day. Where did yesterday go? 


Yesterday we had jobs and money for bread. Today everything we have is a gift that I cannot repay. 


Yesterday, last week, last month, I had 2 cars. They had no gas but they took us from A to B. Now my A is all alone because we have no car and no way to get to our destination. I shouldnt complain that I have to walk to safeway. Shouldnt complain that until we have our next set of wheels I dont have to find gas money. Oh and hey, we have no jobs to get to...  But I'm still missing yesterday.


When I get to Tomorrow, Today will be the Yesterday. Will I miss it? Will I live all that is in me because it doesnt last very long? 


Yesterday is gone forever. God kept us safe for today. Is it lack of faith if I fall apart and cry? Maybe yell and kick my feet a little? 
Is it trusting to say that for a year and a half life has made it a little hard for me? 
Am I being available in these tough times for God to use me?
Yesterday life was tough, today its worse. 


Here's the sappy part. Yesterday I found my Mondo and today hes still with me. Not only that but I have two adorable kids that keep me sane and smiling. I still know my Jesus has got my back even if I dont know Him like I did...  
I know and thank the Lord that I'm blessed. 


But I wish I felt better. 

Currently how I feel. 

My love

My sanity.