January 31, 2012

A bit lost

Estoy Perdido. I mean perdida. Oh what the heck, I don't know Spanish. I want to though. My husbands family speaks Spanish. They've been motivating me to learn but for some reason it's hard for me. So I use the translator when I'm online. 
Estoy Perdida. 
I'm so lost. 
I don't know what to do when I grow up. Wait, that already happened. Oops! So what should I do? I want a solid strong structure for my kids to be on. Does that make sense? I want them to see their parents are hard working. Loving. Happy. Accomplished. I want them to know they can have dreams. . .  and those dreams can come true. 
I don't know my dream. The thing that comes up most since high school is photography. & what I loved my whole life was taking care of kids. So now that I have my own kids and I take their pictures, what do I do with my life? lol! I've always loved baking. I got into making cake balls and even selling them. That kind of dwindled down to nothing. So what should I do to be more accomplished? To make my dreams come true? I don't know what my dreams are. I need to figure that out. Maybe take some baking classes, business classes, and photography classes? Seems like it would be more simple to have one thing at a time. Or should I just get a job? Because I think of this mainly in the midst of financial struggle and I want so badly to do something to help. 
The kiddos are my life. I need them, and they need me. I'm not going to put them in daycare so I can get a simple job at a simple store. I want to do something... more... than that. I've already gone to nanny school and I'm not even a nanny right now. No point in getting a job that would provide me just enough money to put the kids in daycare when I can be the daycare/preschool for them. 
Something more. I'm really thinking of school. & I'm really thinking... i'm scared. School's make me nervous. 
Estoy Perdida. 
One day at a time I guess. We'll hopefully be moving soon. It might be easier to figure it out then. Get settled into my home town and see where to go from there. Although the baking classes at Micheal's are really sounding tempting for a start... 
Oh well at least there's this:
{Riah has a card with Jesus. Yesterday she saw it, reached for it, and said with so much feeling "My Jesus! I need my Jesus!}

{Red Velvet ice cream shake}

{squished but having a good time}

{So blessed to have such a beauty}

{no words :)}

{My younger brother means sooo much to me}

{We're a bunch of goofs}

{Emery with Grandma Munda RIP}

{love those eyes}

{She ran to Dada to kiss her owwie}

{Casting Crowns lyrics}




Lord guide me... 





2 comments:

Laura said...

I just wanted to say, I struggle with the same issues from a different side. I want to spend more time with my kids and doing things I enjoy but am not sure how to do it (cut back on my hours, without making myself an easy target for the next "reduction in force" ie layoffs)...I wish I had some good answers or whatever, but I'm just sharing in the struggle.

Pidg said...

Prayer Mama...lots of prayer. Pray for each question separately so you get a feeling for each thing and don't forget 'time outs' to listen for the answer. {That's the hardest part for me} I never stay quiet long enough ;) I'm sending prayers and happy thoughts your way!